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    SWINGING
    & SEXUALITY 101 :
    " A NEW EXPERIENCE "


SO WHAT EXACTLY IS SWINGING?
    Swinging is a consensual, extra-curricular sexual activity by a couple in a committed relationship. Recreational social sex most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sexual activity, however they may seek out the services of a selected single on a limited basis to fulfil a specific need.

    Swinging (known as "the lifestyle") can take a variety of different forms. Although single women are generally welcome at swinging events, single men are not widely accepted. Although female bisexuality is very much accepted in the swinging community, the degree to which male bisexuality is not. Swingers come from all areas and occupations. The profile of an average Swinger can best be described as: "The couple in line behind you in the grocery store", however statistics show us that the word Swinger represents a couple with above average standing in education, income and quality of life. Although swingers range from 21 to 75+ in age, they tend to be in the 29-55 age groups. While many guys are keen to try the scene almost as soon as they're out of their adolescence, women usually wait until later.

WHAT MIGHT I LIKE ABOUT SWINGING?
    People may be attracted to the swinging community for a variety of different reasons. Many couples find the thought of having sex with other people to be very arousing. Many feel stifled by society's repressive attitudes towards sexuality, and welcome the opportunity to form friendships with other like-minded people, appreciating the relative open-mindedness and pleasure-positivity with which the swinging community views sex. The swinging community is also a good place for heterosexual women to initially explore sex with other women, and this sometimes plays a role in couples choosing to seek it out.

In the past, the swinging community has been confused with alternative sexual practices such as Bondage and Domination, and Sado Masochism. This appears to be changing. The B&D, S&M cultures are becoming more universally accepted individually so therefore if you're interested in that variety of sexual interests you have a direct outlet for your fetishes.

    Some women may find the swinging community to be a welcome dose of sanity. Our culture can be quite cruel to women who have an active interest in sex, often derisively labelling them "sluts" - a term which stands in sharp contrast to the less derogatory term for men, "studs". The swinging community may be especially attractive to these women, who may feel their sex drives and/or sexual assertiveness should be appreciated rather than detested. In Swinging, "Slut" can be a term of endearment between two people who have known each other over a long period of time, and the term may be used towards either of the sexes. There have been parties with themes surrounding the "Male slut" ideal.

Some people end up learning quite a bit about themselves and their sexuality's through swinging. For example, most people find that having their partner actively enjoy and appreciate what they are experiencing during sex to be a tremendous turn-on. Swinging can be an opportunity to learn to relax and appreciate sexual pleasure. Viewing sex as a source of pleasure and not as a social bargaining chip or ego fuel is a great thing to all true swingers.

Although this may vary slightly from group to group, in general the swinging community is quite accepting of a variety of body types, sizes, ages, and shapes. Additionally, many on-premises events provide an opportunity to dress sexily or go completely nude, which can be a fun and sensual experience in and of itself.

WHERE TO START IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN SWINGING?
The most important thing to ALWAYS remember is that EVERYONE is nervous in the beginning! Simply discuss with your partner what you both like and are interested in. Consider the many situations that might arise and agree on what activities you would like to be involved in BEFORE attending any function.

WHERE DO WE START LOOKING FOR SWINGERS?
Basically your alternatives are:
- Go up to strangers and ask if they are interested in having sex with you (not the best technique but it has worked for some people. Expect many rejections and many nasty responses).
- Go to one of the so-called "Couples dances" or otherwise referred to as "Off-premise dances" in your area. These are a great place to meet "people" however please be aware that less than 10% of the couples at these parties are truly swingers. You will meet more people who are "Out to see what swingers look like" or "Had nothing better to do Saturday night", than you will perspective partners. These are money-makers for the club owners and generally attract the exhibitionists wishing to show off their new clothes, their gym-fit bodies or their new breast implants. You can meet people but you must screen harshly through the fakes, frauds and phoneys and search out the real swingers. Tip: Be extremely forward with new people. Ask them politely "How often in the last year they have swung with anyone?". If the answer is none, get up immediately and find another table.
- Go to a swinging house party. You will find only authentic swingers that these parties. The biggest difficulty is that real swingers screen harshly who are invited so that they can keep out the onlookers and the phoneys, so getting an invitation without knowing someone within the lifestyle can be almost impossible. But, if you do ever get invited, WOW, you will be truly glad that you did. These can be some of the greatest nights in your sexual life. A home full of like-minded couples, all there to enjoy the fellowship, friendship and open sex. You will come home tired, exhausted and with an incredible smile that will last for days.
- Go to an "On-premise club or party". This is usually a group of people who get together monthly. The parties are organised similarly to that of the "Couples dances" however the difference is that sex actually takes place. Be prepared to be involved in sexual activity of some form. These are not the places to sit in the corner and take mental pictures of others having sex. You will meet great people who are there to meet you. They are friendly and open to meeting you. Membership is required at these types of clubs and your first or second visits will usually be on a "temporary membership" or "probationary admission". If you are a wallflower or onlooker you may find that your membership application may be denied. Tip: If you are looking to meet genuine people and enjoy open sexuality then these are the people for you, but if you are into watching only then we recommend a strip joint.

HOW TO FIND ENJOYMENT IN SWINGING?
    Couples should be familiar with each others emotional needs. Swinging only works when couples view swinging as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship. Swinging IS NOT a replacement for a failing relationship. It will not fix your problems.

    Honest and open communication is critical in swinging as a couple. Always be clear about what you are doing as a couple. Sex is an emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures that are found in swinging can be reached only when both partners are sensitive to each others needs, and put their partners comfort first.

It's important to keep in mind that swinging is a SOCIAL activity. The ordinary social customs of meeting people and initiating a conversation are really not that different than at any other type of social gathering, and the process by which acquaintances become close friends is equal. Responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness, open-mindedness, and respectfulness are most important to living a successful swinging life. Common courtesy, is a necessity in the swinging community even more than in any other community - we're all just people, after all, but people you want to get naked with later.

    It's common for people to dress wearing sexy clothing {avoid wearing lots of jewellery that might get lost}, and you will find that a lot can be said regarding the personality of the individual by the choice of clothing they have made. A shy submissive lady usually doesn't wear studded, leather, neck collars or spiked, thigh high latex boots. Dress to your own personality. Never misrepresent yourself. If you're a man who doesn't like to be touched sexually until knowing your sexual partners, then don't parade around in a crotchless thong with your manhood hanging out. I once heard a woman complaining and offended that people she didn't even know touched her nipples. She was about a 38C and wore a flaming red, push-up bra with the entire end of the cups cut out. She was then annoyed that someone touched her breasts. Yes I believe that a person should always ask before touching another person, however, if it is a situation that may cause you to become upset and spoil an evening for all concerned, isn't it easier to simply choose a sexy camisole. Afterall, the people you want to see your big tits will eventually see them before the night is finished anyway.

HOW TO BEST ENJOY HOUSE PARTIES AND OTHER EVENTS?
    Shower, brush your teeth, shave, clean and clip your fingernails before showing up. Make a reservation that your attending and cancel your reservation if you can't make it. Arrive on time, together with your partner!
    The hosts will explain the party rules and etiquette, memorise them! The hosts will be happy to answer any and all direct question, please ask. Also other couples may be more than happy to answer general swinging questions and talk about their experiences, however NEVER pry or attempt to be interrogating in any way.
If you EVER need to have a serious relationship discussion or argument with your partner, LEAVE! Your night is over, come back again another time, DO NOT ruin someone else's night! If your partner wanders off for a few minutes, don't feel abandoned or jealous. Don't become the freak couple who "must hang on to each other as if they are 5 year olds during their first time in the mall". If sex is going on in one area it's considered impolite to distract them. It is okay to look but be quiet and be invisible to the people involved.

At some parties there is a larger rooms to be for group sex. Depending on the party some rules of etiquette it might be assumed OK for someone to touch you unless or until you say no. Again, this completely depends on the party. Never enter the "group area" as a single. Enter with a partner and always leave with a partner. This stops the imbalance of the sexes from occurring. You don't want to enter the group room and find 10 men and no other women. It's not a rape or gangbang room, it's a group room. Never open closed doors to bedroom areas and stare at what is going on.

Never use alcohol to excess in swinging. Many non-swingers have their first experiences when they are heavily intoxicated, and then regret when they are not invited back. Also extreme alcohol may put you in positions where you do not do only what you want to do. Always be in control. If you don't want to swing with someone, just say no politely. If don't take no for an answer, repeat this phrase: "Here at our club, No Thank You means No Thank You!" If they persist contact the party host immediately. In swinging, sometimes you will be told, "No, thank you." When this happens, just accept it graciously and never ask "Why not?" There may be a time in the future when that person may ask you.

You should have private social "secret codes" that only the two of you know, phrases or gestures which mean: one of you is attracted to the people you are talking to and would like to swing with them, or one of you is not interested at all and wants to get away fast. One simple communication may save alot of grief or wasted time and energy.

DEALING WITH JEALOUSY
    Jealousy exists in every relationship, swinging or otherwise. The difference comes in the fact that swingers do not look upon their mates as property which they own. There doesn't exist the level of control and domination as in the general population. In swinging you may hear someone say "My old lady" but usually is followed with "Really wants to fuck you". In everyday life the phrase "My old lady" is usually prefixed with "What the fuck are you looking at, She belongs to me, She's my old lady" (and generally found to be spoken by a guy with way to many tatoos and a certain degree of pride for just having completed Grade 9 via correspondence school).

    It's interesting that the male member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the woman will probably keep them there. He has had lifelong fantasies about open, free-wheeling sex and then he finally convinces his initially reluctant partner to give swinging a try. She has a great time and makes terrific friendships amongst the openness she experiences from both the men lining up to taste the "new female" and the bonds she makes within her sisterhood. He never even takes time to remember the other people's names let alone bond with them on an ongoing friendship level, and worse he may have a hard time dealing with the fact that she is twice as popular. Men take some time to consider how you will deal with being the less popular than your wife, and also remember that there will be younger, more sexually experienced and larger hung men there than you are. This can be a tremendous piss-off to the insecure flake who thinks that if his wife will just get him inside the door, he will get all the pussy that he desires.

    On a more positive note, many couples find that the secrets to dealing with jealousy always revolve around good communication. Always reassure each other as to your commitment before and after playing with new people, listen to each other's concerns and keep pre-set contract to each other.
If jealousy becomes an issue for you and your partner, sit down and talk openly and honestly together about it.
If jealousy or other related issues ever become overwhelming where you can't seem to get past it, you can be reassured that there is a professional support network available to you through this club. Please contact Professional Counselling for Swinging couples. We have staff that specialise in Alternative Lifestyles including a Swinging Sexologist.



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